Frustrated and Confused

cryingSohumborn ended as she began, with lots of gossip.  Hers (I guess maybe I am assuming she was a woman) was the only blog I read.  She was a great storyteller, riveting and controversial.  She brought up issues within me that I had glossed over a long time ago.

My parents were pot growers in the early eighties.  This was a truly frightening time to choose this profession.  CAMP was just beginning and they were very gung-ho.  Property confiscations were not uncommon.  My parents lived in Mad River.  My mother told me she decided to leave when the neighbors started carrying guns on a regular basis.  She took her two children and moved to Weaverville to wait for my dad to come to his senses.  He joined us within the year, and got what we thought was a good job at the local sawmill.  He steadily rose in the company until he became a millwright.  He almost always worked either swing or graveyard.  I love my dad and I remember him as being fun and loving towards us.  The family secret came out when I was fourteen.  My dad was a meth addict.  It had started in the hills with the harvest seasons.  Back then coke was very popular and you could get a lot more done if you were highly alert.  When he moved to town meth seemed a reasonable way to stay awake at night, besides everyone else was doing it.

I have mixed feelings about pot.  Mostly I don’t mind it, I don’t think it causes the serious personality issues long term use of other drugs do.  I think that most of the bad rap comes form it being illegal.  If it was legal theft would not be such an issue.  If it were legal children would not have to keep secrets, and the people who chose to grow would not have to worry about over zealous law enforcement.  Pot money has given a lot of good things to Humboldt County.  For example: KMUD, the Mateel, Beginnings, fully funded volunteer fire departments, donations to food shelters, donations to environmental groups, plus much much more.  I can’t think of a single positive thing meth has done for our community, and yet it’s use and prevalence in our community doesn’t get nearly as much play.

Sohumborn’s blog was the catalyst to my own blog.  I am hurt by the hole in my favorites.  Looking at the comments to her absence on Kym’s blog, I feel as if the same thing is happening there that happened with comments to her stories, no one is critical or detracting.  No one takes her to task, for her choice in stories or her abrupt absence with no explanation. I am not saying this is what she deserves, I just know people are saying it off the computer.  So I will try not to be a hypocrite without sounding spiteful, because I am not.

Why!!!  Why do you feel the need to leave so soon after struggling through the badmouthing?  Was it a significant other?  I don’t think your stories are enough for real legal action so I am crossing that one out.  Why erase your whole blog?  Oh I am soo disappointed.

I hope everyone realizes that the fact that I was drawn to write this is a testimony to the force of her writing.  Best of luck to you Sohumborn, grudgingly.


14 Responses to “Frustrated and Confused”

  1. That picture sums up a lot of feelings here about the loss!

  2. I agree … I really miss sohumborn. Why quit so soon?

  3. Thats what I thought also. I wanted to add something though. I was frustrated by the lack of detraction on her site because it did not give her the chance to defend herself. She had to overhear it on the street where her desire for anonymity forced her to be reserved.

    I also forgot one reason to quit: pressure from her community. If she really felt she could not talk openly about the issues she shared on her site I can see how being found out would make her want to quit. I have never experienced that pressure offline so I find it hard to imagine but I do not live her life.

  4. […] who can’t get enough of Sohumborn, another local blog, In Retaliation, has joined us online and the latest piece is a heartfelt rant about losing our favorite fiction writer. Possibly related posts: […]

  5. Inretaliation, You have a very,very sad, but very common story. Many of the growers of that period were trading the weed for white drugs. Just another sad side of the industry.

    You have a real gift of writing ability yourself and I bet that you have a few stories to tell. Will you be writing more?

  6. Her stories were too good, and too real. We can only assume that they hit too close to home for someone.

    We loved her stories because they were so well done and so real.

    That doesn’t mean everyone who loved the stories loves the pot culture. We can empathize with her characters, but it doesn’t mean we want growhouses for neighbors.

    Most of us have become resigned to the necessity of legalization, and despise the sham that is 215.

    But I don’t think legalizing it is going to solve all the problems. The first challenge will arise when the growers have to fork over more than half their gains in taxes, the way other working people have to do. 35% soon to be 40% federal tax, 10-12% State – think they’re going to do that willingly?

    We’ll see.

    Anyway – good luck with your blog, welcome to the blogosphere. Found the link to you at Kym’s.

    btw – we miss her too, and wish her well. Hope she keeps writing, and gets published. Write and stash it away if need be, for publication later, because it is the emotion and immediacy that will be lost if you try to do it from memory at some future date.

  7. Thank you Kym for the pingback.

    I am sorry Ernie that it took me so long to moderate. My story does end well though, my dad became a part of the 7% of meth users that succeed in kicking the habit.

    Rose I don’t know where to begin. I have been frustrated by the attention that pot and its culture gets. I couldn’t understand why other drugs didn’t draw as much controversy. I realized in the writing of this post that most drugs are not controversial, everyone knows they are bad. No one is gong to argue the benefits of meth or heroin. Pot gets so much press because of its ambiguous good side, there are different points of view which make it exciting to talk about. Thank you for your visit, and your comment.

  8. You’re right about meth not getting enough play. It’s interesting to speculate on what will happen with meth once pot is legalized. Will there then be a push to legitimize meth? We already have meth advocate Ellen Taylor on record defending it.

    If you want to link to some good info on meth, I recommend the Montana Meth project – it includes a series of commercials designed to get people to realize the effects of meth.

    The ads are gritty and disturbing – the information on the site is pretty comprehensive… like this list of ingredients:

    Meth is made from some of the nastiest stuff around. You don’t even want this stuff in your house, let alone put it in your body.

    ◼ The key ingredient in meth is a drug called pseudophedrine – that’s the chemical that makes store bought cold medicines like Sudafed work. When you have a cold, this may work by itself, but when you combine it with other chemicals, it’s a lethal mixture.

    Other ingredients may include:

    ◼ Iodine flakes or crystals (as found in some veterinary products); Its vapors can cause eye and skin irritation and breathing problems.

    ◼ Hydrochloric acid (one of the most acidic chemicals known to man); Breathing this junk can cause chemical burns to eyes, nose, skin, and severe respiratory problems.

    ◼ Acetone (from nail polish remover or camp stove fuel); Eating or breathing it can cause severe gastric irritation (the mother of all stomach aches), and coma.

    ◼ Lithium (usually taken out of household batteries); Skin contact of any kind can cause severe burns.

    ◼ Anhydrous ammonia (typically from fertilizer); Get a good whiff of this and you could experience severe respiratory problems, eye and mucous membrane damage.

    ◼ Red phosphorous (most likely sources: ground up matches or emergency road flares): Vapors can irritate your nose, throat, lungs and eyes.

    ◼ Sulfuric acid (that is drain cleaner): Skin contact of any kind can cause sever burns, breathing this in could result in sever lung damage.

  9. ununanimous Says:

    Ellen Taylor is a crackpot….. Thanks for reminding everyone.

  10. Oh my I had forgotten all about Ellen’s meth defense. That was unbelievable. Interesting list of ingredients, so appetizing.

  11. Auntie Mayme Says:

    Yeck, the ingredients in Meth are just yucky. Rose is right, I would not even want some of those ingredients in my house, let alone in my body.

    I wish you all the best in your writing endeavors! We all miss sohumborn.


  12. There is obviously a lot to learn. There are some good points here.

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  13. Fantastic post, I will save this post in my Mixx account. Have a great evening.

  14. Thank you, you too.

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