Change Your Mind

I hate to change plans.  I get really worked up about it.  Although if there is something I want and whatever I am doing is not getting it, I can switch things up at the drop of a hat.  I have been doing that a lot recently.  I am almost done with the most hectically emotional year of my life.  I just have to make it to the end of August.  I am happy though, I feel light and free.  Open in a way I haven’t ever really experienced before.

I spent so much of this year in my head replaying or imagining horrible heart wrenching scenarios. (See previous post My Betrayal)  It all lead up to one drastic escape from character, which changed the way I thought about everything.  I began to accept myself for who I am.  Not just the fun easy me I am on my best days.  All of it, even my deepest darkest thoughts, wants, and needs.  It feels so good not to feel afraid or guilty for who I am.

Now I can’t understand why I chose to hang on to my expectations for so long.  Why do we insist on feeling guilty for things that we think or feel? Why are you scared to let go?  To not care what other people think or believe about you.  I am and will always be the only one who knows me anyway.  I will be misunderstood no matter what I choose to do, I might as well choose a way that feels right.

Evolve or you will be left behind.

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