I’m a housewife so it goes without saying that I am very seldom alone.  I chose my way of life at a very early age so I have not ever been able to experience being alone.  Rhett just took the girls to see his mother.  He is rather indebted to me lately so I got to stay home.  For five days.  Alone.

I was rather nervous.  What if I can’t handle it and start making up excuses to go see people?  Even worse what if it is really really enjoyable, and I lose some appreciation for my family life? 

Well the computer kept me from needing human contact.  I would like to try it again someday without an avenue of communication.  I ended up canceling outings I had planned.  I have been walking around with permagrin.  This is bad.  I need to figure out how to incorporate this feeling into every day life.  The problem is that the main thing I enjoy about being by myself is the only thing I can’t have with my family.  Children need routine, they thrive on it.  With them I have to do things at certain times and it takes me longer to do them.

I recently gave a friend who was having sexual relation problems some very good advice.  I told her to fake it.  Now don’t get all pissy.  Men are not the only ones who fall for this tactic.  Women fall for it too, if you are really good at faking it you end up enjoying yourself.  I think this is what I have to do with my every day life.  I have spent so much time feeling like as long as I was taking care of someone else, or doing repetitive chores that never end, I was missing out on something else.  If you asked me I would tell you that I love my life, but I don’t necessarily act like I do on a daily basis.  I need to start faking it.  I will have plenty of time to be alone later.  I need to change my habit of walking around like I am sooo put upon.

Being alone made me realize that I can enjoy each moment no matter what I have to do.  Thank you Rhett I needed that.

2 Responses to “Alone”

  1. I like your idea and, as I’ve hit the January doldrums, I think I’ll try a bit myself but because faking it has a bad connotation I’ll do my household chores with an upbeat twist.

  2. I have been stuck to all afternoon because of what’s happening in Haiti, so reading this finally gave me a break.

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