a memory

I slept with my girls last night.  Actually I slept curled around my oldest.  She has always fit me.  Rhett likes to sleep with Scarlet, but for me it’s Melanie.  On her first night I was a little nervous to be too close, so I gave her about 5 inches of space, and rested my hand on her exquisitely soft, unbelievable small, back.  When she woke up hungry with her soft little mewlings, (she has always been quiet) I was awkward.  I tried to sit up and hold her to my chest but I was sooo tired.  It was my doula who told me I could nurse lying down.  Again, at first I was awkward, I couldn’t figure out where to put my arm.  My breasts were gigantic and hard with milk, so I had to tip her delicate, little head up just slightly.  There was so much milk at first I thought I was going to drown her.  It didn’t help that once one was activated the other would go too.  I had to make Rhett get up, and find me a small towel.  Once I had my arm tucked under my own head and the towel draped over the unused breast I relaxed.  I brought my knees up to curl around her.  I was astounded by how well she fit.  Her soft little feet just touched my thighs while her tiny body pressed against every inch of my stomach and ribcage.  It felt as if we had melted together.  She was my own skin divided and come back to me.

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One Response to “a memory”

  1. Such sweet milkbreathed baby memories you brought back…

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