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Admit It

Posted in community with tags on January 8, 2011 by inretaliation

I have been drawn to a certain type of person lately, or maybe more accurately I am drawn to a certain aspect of all people.  Some just cultivate it more than others.  I adore emotionally unstable capable people.  I want people near me who strive to be better people but fail, a lot,  who are strong enough to take a joke most of the time,  who like clean spaces but don’t always have a clean house, who are intelligent, but admit when they don’t know something.  These are the people who make me feel comfortable and real.  They don’t necessarily make me feel more normal, more like we are all weird, insecure, stupid, mean, jealous, angry, and judgmental. We all have to learn to overcome these things and we all screw up sometimes.

Don’t pretend to be perfect around me, I will get bored and walk away.  I am not always a good mother, I am a raging bitch to my husband, I like it when you can admit the same back to me.  Don’t try to give me what I want, I will not respect, or appreciate your inability to stand up for yourself.  Tell me my hair looks like shit, my shoes are ugly, that dress does not fit me right, I will love you for it. (these things need to be done without an air of judgment, or I will secretly hate you) I will treasure you when you admit your failings, while enjoying your strengths.  Don’t baby me, I may not be able to handle the truth right then but I will remember later, and I will cherish you for it.

Admit the real you, I bet it’s horribly good.

Down To Four

Posted in community with tags , , on November 11, 2010 by inretaliation

Rhett and I decided to build our own house.  This was a very naive decision.  Everything always takes longer than you think.  You always need more help than you had planned on.  We have been living with people on our property since May of 2009.  We are finally done, I just waved goodbye to the last of our helpers.  I have been giddy for days at the thought of having my little family to myself again.  Today surprised me though, we have had a lot of people around for the last month trying to finish up before the rains.  Today I said goodbye to them all, and now I am pensive.  I have been wandering around the house finding little things they left behind and piling them one on top of the other in the hopes that someday I will be driven enough to send them along.

Our last group of people were particularly cohesive.  Sure, there was drama but not very much.  They all paid attention to my kids, and let them climb all over them.  They ignored me when I was moody.  They took extra care when Rhett was sullen.  They laughed with us a lot.  I can honestly say I loved having all of them.

There is a bond that forms between family members.  You know each other so well.  Its different when other people are around, I am always aware of where they are (probably because I am very nosy).  I know that I tone my attitude down most of the time (not all the time).  There is a little bit of stress that comes from holding your tongue.

What is our family going to be like now?  Will we relate to each other differently?  Will it be better?  Or not?  Are we so used to having other people around we won’t be able to function well without them?

I am sitting with my daughters while one draws and the other does homework.  We are going to have a pot pie for dinner.  They are going to take a giant bubble bath, then we will all snuggle up in my bed and watch movies.  I think we will be a little more boring, but excellent all the same.

So much love, and encouragement, and excitement to all of those who have left me.  You have changed me for the better, thank you (with way more meaning than those two plain words can possibly express).

Posted in community, Humboldt County with tags on October 17, 2010 by inretaliation

One of the perils of hanging out with people you don’t really know for many hours at a time:

I had no idea Jack Johnson had six albums. Do you know how long it takes to listen to six albums?  Four hours.