Archive for sex

Product Recommendation

Posted in relationships with tags on June 8, 2010 by inretaliation

At the risk of sounding like Nurse Myra ( who is very interesting at what she does, I am going to make a couple of recommendations.  For couples you absolutely must try the We Vibe II, for men the Egg.  The Egg is not for what you think it is for, and it’s simple and cheap.  The We is a little pricey but worth every penny.  You should also check out this blog for a good laugh.


Posted in relationships with tags , , on May 24, 2010 by inretaliation

Well this time the name of my blog is highly inaccurate.  Nothing I did was in retaliation for anything anyone else did, although it could have been, and I am sure there are many people who would not believe me.  I have always done things for other people.  It gives me great pleasure to bring pleasure to others.  I take pride in being able to do what I think is the right thing at the time.  I don’t want to make excuses for what I have done.  I think excuses are cowardly.  I want to tell you how it felt.

It felt like losing my mind.  No, that is not exactly right.  It felt like gaining access to a whole other part of me.  This part of me absolutely rebelled against doing the commendable thing.  I put everything I had on hold.  I let go.

It was the letting go that was the hardest thing to resist. Letting go of everything I was supposed to do, letting go of the me I identified with, and taking.  It was the hardest pull I have felt in a loooong time.  I wish I could say that it drug me kicking and screaming, but that is not true. I went willingly.  I fell in love with a loss of control.

It began with the hair on the back of my neck, and like a hot shower, washed over me, leaving me quivering.  I did not think, my mind scattered into a million pieces and blew away with the wind.  I only had my body, and it could not move away from the pull.

I feel like I became a traitor to my sense of self.  I couldn’t trust me.  I knew what I should have done to keep people from being hurt. I didn’t do it.  I was not sorry.  It was easy to let myself become passionate about and with him.

Now I am wrapping myself in my best defensive mechanism, anger.  I am angry that I have put off being selfish for so long.  So long that I needed something drastic and destructive to remind me.  I can have both.  I can let myself go, and care for the people I love.  It takes more effort and a longer amount of time, to find that kind of passion on a daily basis in a constructive way.  I need to find a way to give all I have and take all I want in a way that doesn’t cause others pain.

The Oldest Profession

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 17, 2010 by inretaliation

A new article in the Guardian attempts to explain why men see prostitutes.

I interviewed 12 of the men, and found it a fascinating experience. One told me about his experience of childhood cruelty and neglect and linked this to his inability to form close ­relationships with anyone, particularly women. Alex admitted sex with ­prostitutes made him feel empty, but he had no idea how to get to know women “through the usual routes”. When I asked him about his feelings ­towards the women he buys he said that on the one hand, he wants ­prostitutes to get to know and like him and, on the other, he is “not under ­delusions” that the encounters are anything like a real relationship.

I felt compassion for Alex. No one had shown him how to form a bond with another human being and he was searching for something that commercial sex was never going to provide.

But another of the interviewees left me feeling concerned. Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. “I don’t want them to get any pleasure,” he told me. “I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated.” I asked if he felt prostitutes were different to other women. “The fact that they’re prepared to do that job where others won’t, even when they’re skint, means there’s some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted,” he said. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny.

One of the most interesting findings was that many believed men would “need” to rape if they could not pay for sex on demand. One told me, “Sometimes you might rape someone: you can go to a prostitute instead.” Another put it like this: “A desperate man who wants sex so bad, he needs sex to be relieved. He might rape.” I concluded from this that it’s not feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and myself who are responsible for the idea that all men are potential rapists – it’s sometimes men themselves

I think the author misses the mark on a couple of issues.  First she seems to believe these men when they portray themselves as victims.  Second both the author and one of her interviewees, make the assumption that there would be many more rapes if prostitution is unavailable.  I didn’t realize men couldn’t control themselves at all.  She then goes on to say that most of the prostitutes have been tricked or trafficked into their profession.  I do not want to downplay the seriousness of human trafficking, but as in most illegal activities those without any morals give the whole game a bad name.  There are any number of women who mindfully chose their profession.

I think if we were to stop vilifying sexual encounters more of us would have healthy happy relationships.  (by sexual encounters I do not mean to condone adultery)

Here is the full story