A new article in the Guardian attempts to explain why men see prostitutes.
I interviewed 12 of the men, and found it a fascinating experience. One told me about his experience of childhood cruelty and neglect and linked this to his inability to form close relationships with anyone, particularly women. Alex admitted sex with prostitutes made him feel empty, but he had no idea how to get to know women “through the usual routes”. When I asked him about his feelings towards the women he buys he said that on the one hand, he wants prostitutes to get to know and like him and, on the other, he is “not under delusions” that the encounters are anything like a real relationship.
I felt compassion for Alex. No one had shown him how to form a bond with another human being and he was searching for something that commercial sex was never going to provide.
But another of the interviewees left me feeling concerned. Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. “I don’t want them to get any pleasure,” he told me. “I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated.” I asked if he felt prostitutes were different to other women. “The fact that they’re prepared to do that job where others won’t, even when they’re skint, means there’s some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted,” he said. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny.
One of the most interesting findings was that many believed men would “need” to rape if they could not pay for sex on demand. One told me, “Sometimes you might rape someone: you can go to a prostitute instead.” Another put it like this: “A desperate man who wants sex so bad, he needs sex to be relieved. He might rape.” I concluded from this that it’s not feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and myself who are responsible for the idea that all men are potential rapists – it’s sometimes men themselves
I think the author misses the mark on a couple of issues. First she seems to believe these men when they portray themselves as victims. Second both the author and one of her interviewees, make the assumption that there would be many more rapes if prostitution is unavailable. I didn’t realize men couldn’t control themselves at all. She then goes on to say that most of the prostitutes have been tricked or trafficked into their profession. I do not want to downplay the seriousness of human trafficking, but as in most illegal activities those without any morals give the whole game a bad name. There are any number of women who mindfully chose their profession.
I think if we were to stop vilifying sexual encounters more of us would have healthy happy relationships. (by sexual encounters I do not mean to condone adultery)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes#start-of-comments
In Retaliation 