I enjoy smoking. I like the action, the fingers to the mouth, the deep inhale, and the long breath out. I like the pause in the day, 
the moment of nonthought. I hate the smell and I don’t care for the taste. I am not a smoker, I can go days, weeks even without a cigarette. I think this is a major drawback to quitting. Why quit if it is not a problem, why give up something I have control over? Maybe because it is proven to cause cancer and I have kids. Maybe because I don’t want them to think that it is ok. Maybe because my husband would love it if I did. How about quitting for the improvement in my skin tone or the color of my teeth. My energy level goes up when I don’t smoke. But let me tell you the best reason why I don’t quit and the biggest reason why I should.
The thought of a cigarette comes out of nowhere, usually while I am driving. Then like the best meditator in the whole world the mantra repeats itself with increasing urgency until there is no other thought in my head. Then I proceed to argue with myself until I pull into a gas station or find an excuse to visit someone I know who smokes.
How do I change the chant or the clamoring in my brain? How do I create a new mantra that boosts my will to drive past the smoke? It scares me that I haven’t thought of one yet. Why can’t any of those reasons listed above prove a stronger urgency? Why don’t they win?
In Retaliation 